Chronicles Of A Relationship I
by pieces of a shattered dream
Summary: insides in their lifes and how their relationship progresses. All Chapters loosely based on songs by 'Orianthi'
1. out of reach

**1. Out of reach**

"Please?"

"No Castle, I can't!" Kate let out an annoyed sight. It wasn't the first time she'd said those exact words in the last ten minutes.

"Why?"

"I don't have time" She had abandoned her paperwork about five minutes ago, knowing she wouldn't get any done with him distracting her, but right now she thought about just continuing and sending him home. With Captains order if necessary.

"Yea, I figured that. What I want to know is _why_?" He placed his elbows on the edge of her desk, chin resting in the palm of his hands, curious eyes fixed on hers'.

"Josh has that charity thing in the hospital and he asked me to accompany him"

Rick's gaze fell as _his _name left her lips. Of course she would choose Josh over him; after all he was her boyfriend. Why would she want to spend a whole weekend with him in L.A., when she had a perfect boyfriend waiting for her when she got home?

But sometimes it was just so easy to forget that she belonged to someone else, because she made it that easy.

Josh only ever existed when she was trying to back out of something Castle wanted her to do. Those were the only times she ever talked about him. Every other day it was like she didn't have a boyfriend at all.

He long stopped pretending he didn't have any feelings for her. He knew that she was, except from his daughter, the only woman in his life he'd ever love. She was everything to him. He just hoped that one day she'll see that and maybe even feel the same. Yes, maybe one day she'll open her eyes and see what they could have. But until then he just needed to continue reminding himself that she wasn't his.

Sometimes he wondered why it couldn't be him by her side. He had changed so much since he met her and did everything to make her believe they could be good together – but still she didn't want to be with him.

Still she rather wanted to be with Josh.

There were times he was sure she appreciated him and even showed some feelings for him but then there were the other times when he felt like a ghost by her side. Like he was there, able to watch her, to smell her, to feel her presence, but still not _really_ there at all.

Those were such times. He had just wanted her to come with him to L.A. to check up on the last bits of the Heat Wave movie, before the official premier and suddenly – out of nowhere – her boyfriend was there again. He should have expected that, sure but it didn't make it less painful to be rejected once again because of Josh.

"Right, well I guess I'll see you tomorrow" he wasn't quite sure yet if he _would _see her tomorrow.

"Yea, I guess. Night, Castle" He got up from his chair, grabbed his jacked from the back of it and headed for the elevator. He didn't turn back once or said anything else; neither did she.

That's when he realized, that if she was that out of reach to him anyway, it didn't really matter whether he was there or not.


	2. according to you

**2. According to you**

"Don't be so stupid, Kate!" He kept his voice steady, trying not to yell at her. "Let's not fight because of that"

"What do you expect me to do here?" She on the other hand had raised her voice even more now, than she had before. "First you tell me you don't want me to go to that charity event next weekend anymore and then you go on by calling me stupid. I'm sorry but I don't see why we _shouldn't_ fight because of that."

"You didn't even want to go there in the first place and now you're mad because you don't have to? You know, sometimes I just don't get you" He stood up from the couch and paced the space between the couch and the coffee table. He didn't want to get into a fight but it seemed like she was already halfway through.

"That's not the point, Josh! I may not have wanted to go there but now I'm not going because _I_ don't want to but because _you_ don't want me to." He cringed at her words. Not because he knew they were true (he certainly did) but because he was sure her whole apartment building could hear them.

"You at least gonna tell me why?" She demanded after about a minute in which neither of them said anything. She didn't sound angry anymore but rather hurt.

"We both know that you either will call me and say you'd be late or to tell me you're not gonna show up at all, because you rather work late on some case with that writer and grab something to eat with him afterwards."

And just like that the hurt was gone again and make room for rage. She was furious now. She couldn't remember one of their fights in which he'd come up with a whole set of 'break-up-reasons' in less than ten minutes. Did he really say she wasn't able to show up on time to some important event with her boyfriend? Come to think of it, she was pretty sure she even heard the word boring some time earlier.

And of course he had to bring Rick into all of this.

Wait!

Since when did she refer to Castle as Rick?

Right!  
>Since she admitted she was still in love with him.<p>

"Why does every one of our arguments have to involve Castle somehow?" She caught herself just in time, using his last name instead. She didn't need to give Josh more ammunition. She also did not feel the need to tell him Rick would be out off town this particular weekend.

"Maybe because it seems like not only can't he get you out off _his _head but also the other way round. You do know exactly what I think about you and him working together." Josh lost the battle with himself, raising his voice in a way he'd never done with her before. But right now he didn't care – and she didn't even seem to notice. He however bit his tongue long enough to swallow the question he had on his mind.

"What the hell, Josh? Do you really think that little of me to think I'm cheating on you?" He should have known she'd catch the unspoken question. After all she was trained to notice such things. "Believe it or not, _he _calls me funny and beautiful more often than my own damn boyfriend" She shot a sharp glance in his direction "Ex-boyfriend" she corrected.

By now both of them had left the couch, letting it sit in the middle of the room as a barrier between them. Kate had her hands palm-down on the back of the couch, her arms supporting her upper body. Her fingernails dug holes in the fabric and it was the first time she was glad it was made of something she couldn't destroy if she didn't cut it with a knife-like object.

Josh still paced the same space as before. Taking three steps in one direction, turning around, taking three steps in the other direction. Occasionally his hands wandered through his hair and if Kate hadn't just broken up with him she'd admit how adorable he looked right about now.

But she had and so she focused on the task at hand: Making him believe she was serious, throwing him out of her apartment, crawling into her bed and crying about how she could even have been so stupid to get involved with him.

It wasn't long after they started dating that she'd admitted the only reason they even were dating was because she needed to get over Rick.

"Come on Kate, don't be stupid" There it was again. Who did he think he was to just call her stupid? "We just had an argument. Let's calm down and think everything over!"

"There's nothing to think over" she spit back. "But you're right, we just _had_ an argument. But had you turned it into something _way _more serious" _Who's the stupid one now?_

"We both know that's not true" Kate wasn't sure if he was finished but she cut him off either way. She didn't want to hear his so called apologies.

"Oh and how true that is. Ever since we got together you try to get me to stop spending time with Rick" she stopped for a moment, cursing herself. But then she thought who the hell cares? She just broke up with him. She didn't need to justify anything. "And if you're seriously standing here, demanding me to decide, then I'm sorry Josh but it's not you I choose"

He had been prepared to fight for her. Hell, he loved her even though he knew she didn't love him – yet. But right now he didn't see the point in fighting. She had made up her mind that it isn't him she wants to be with and who was he to convince her otherwise when she'd spelled it out for him so simple and bluntly. The only thing for him to do here was leave without a scene because he loved her too much for making that harder for both of them. If it was what would make her happy, then he would have to live with that.

Kate knew that this end only opened her a new beginning. Because every single thing Josh just said she lacked was one of the reasons why she was everything Richard Castle ever wanted.


	3. shut up and kiss me

**3. Shut up and kiss me**

They were about fifteen minutes from his loft, driving through the surprisingly low New York City traffic. The weekend was spent in L.A., visiting the set to go over the very last minute details of the Heat Wave movie that needed to be looked over. After that they simply added Monday to their weekend and did the relaxing.

Of course it hadn't been her idea and it took a hell lot of convincing to get her to agree but after their occasional rather loud but rather quick arguments, she was game.

It had taken about one day and a long, eye-opening conversation with Lanie before she finally had found the courage to talk to him. He had been surprised to say the least to find her on his doorstep on her day off. They had a serious talk about their feelings towards each other and after that they both didn't remember much more than skin touching skin and by pillows muffled screams.

Following their night of passion had been a morning, filled with exactly the same, a somewhat awkward breakfast with Martha and Alexis and an embarrassing first appearance as a couple at the precinct. And the following weekend she'd taken some days off and flew with him to L.A.

"Could you stop that!" she more demanded than asked, glaring at his fingers that tapped some melody she couldn't hear on the window.

"I need to entertain myself somehow, since you're ignoring me for some reason" he shot back at her. He stopped his tapping nevertheless.

"You know exactly why I am not talking to you!" They both knew what was coming. They were getting into an argument over something not even worth arguing over, ending with one of them completely ignoring the other until one of them finally caved and apologized.

"I wasn't the one who had invited those photographers to the airport, you know" It was him this time, who raised his voice first. It wasn't even near yelling but you could tell he was getting mad.

"You're the one writing damn bestselling books; otherwise the photographers wouldn't even follow you"

"You are the one that chose to be my girlfriend"

"Maybe I shouldn't have"

Neither of them said anything anymore. They were both replaying the argument over and over in their minds. She wanted nothing more than to break up with him and right now he wanted nothing more than for her to do it. She hated him for being famous and he hated her for being that closed off.

But that was just how they were. He was driving her crazy, she was getting mad at him and at the end of the day everything was forgiven.

Though their friends had pushed them to finally get together, they now constantly questioned their relationship. Those two hadn't even been together for a whole week when Kate confided in Lanie that she couldn't handle it. Rick and Kate had gotten over that particular fight and things were starting to look 'normal' when they realized that with them nothing was even close to that term.

The only reason Kate left the car and walked up to his loft with him was because she promised Alexis to drop by as soon as they were back in the city, but now, much to her chagrin the teenager wasn't home.

"I'm sorry!" It was Kate who broke the uncomfortable silence between them. Her eyes were on the floor.

"Me, too!" he reached for her and tucked her hands out off the front pockets of her jeans. Then he interlaced his fingers with hers and pulled her towards him. She buried her face in his chest.

"I love you!" Because she loved that he was famous.

"I love you, too!" Because he loved that she was that closed off.

They stood there for what easily could have been an eternity, with neither of them saying anything. The only thing they needed now was the comfort of the other and the knowledge that they still were together.

"You know, even thought this is a pretty messed up relationship, there's no way to stop this now."

"You think so?" Kate asked. She was teasing and he knew it.

"Mhh… I think you would miss me too much." He smiled at her, leaning down to place a soft kiss on both of her cheeks and the tip of her nose, before locking eyes with her. "And I could also surely be naming some thing I would miss about you. Your eyes, your lips, your laugh-"  
>"Castle?" she interrupted him, index finger over his mouth to stop him from speaking.<p>

"Yes?" he placed a soft kiss on the tip of her finger.

"Just shut up and kiss me already"

And that he didn't need to be told twice.


End file.
